TV Party Tonight!

Nothing spices up a TV party in Moscow or Vladivostok like sukhariki (oven-toasted stale bread strips), bounteously lathered in Novichok cold-pressed, KGB-recommended “ecological” sunflower oil.

“Yakushev Ecofarm: Product for a Long Life. Limited series. Novichok cold-pressed sunflower oil. Special taste. Recommended by the USSR KGB.” 

If stale bread laced with Novichok is not enough to push you over the edge of cynicism, you can watch NTV’s latest pack of lies, “Dangerous Network,” a thirty-minute legally actionable slander fest about our antifascist comrades from Penza and Peetersburg who have been arrested and tortured by the FSB (the ex-KGB whose seal Novichok sunflower oil bears so proudly) for their non-involvement in a fictitious “terrorist network,” codenamed The Network, and about the lawyers and human rights activists who have been defending them.

If you had ever wondered what Nazi Germany would have been like it if had television, you need look no further than Russia’s NTV and its odious series of hit jobs on everything and anyone that sticks their head above the weeds in the Motherland.

If I were you I’d just skip the NTV mockumentary and slug down a whole bottle of Novichok cold-pressed KGB-approved sunflower oil. It will wash out innards real good, and it might not even kill you in the process. // TRR

Thanks to Ben Neal, Mark Teeter et al., for the heads-up.