loneliness

So perhaps there were people who would like to hear about feelings, but I did not think they were people I would want to know.

— Helen DeWitt, The English Understand Wool

Jason Isbell and the 400 Unit, “Middle of the Morning” (2023)

Well, I’ve tried
To open up my window and let the light come in
I step outside
In the middle of the morning and in the evening again

Yes, I’ve tried
To be grateful for my devils and call them by their names
But I’m tired
And by the middle of the morning I need someone to blame

I know you’re scared of me, I can see it in your face
I can feel it in the way you move around this place
I know you’re scared of me, I can see it in your smile
Like an unattended child you can’t quite trust

But I’m tired
Of stepping on your shadow and feeling in the way
Yes, I’m tired
And by the middle of the morning I’m out of shit to say

I ain’t used to this, seeing everybody’s hand
I was raised to be a strong and silent southern man
I ain’t used to this, a thousand days alone
In my bed or in my head or in my phone

Yes, I’m tired
Of living in the moment and sleeping through the dream
I step outside
In the middle of the morning and the roses hear the scream

I know you’re scared of me, so I never get too close
I just sit here on the tailgate like a farm hand’s ghost
Watch the roses bloom, watch them wilt away and die
‘Til I notice I’ve been crying this whole time

Well, I’ve tried
To open up my window and let the light come in
I step outside
In the middle of the morning and in the evening again

Source: Musixmatch. Thanks to Mark Rogers (Nashville Babylon) for the heads-up.

Russia continues to reap the consequences of its reckless campaign to release dangerous criminals from prisons to dispatch in their illegal war against Ukraine, RFE/RL’s Sever.Realii reported on Aug. 3.

The latest case involves 37-year-old Igor Sofronov, who had previously served a sentence for robbery, attempted murder, and other crimes. Upon returning to his hometown of Dereviannoye in the Republic of Karelia after his involvement in the war, Sofronov spiraled into a series of alcohol-fueled binges.

During one of these drunken episodes, Sofronov, along with his drinking buddy, 38-year-old Maxim Bochkarev, who had also been imprisoned for theft, abduction, robbery, and rape, unleashed a brutal massacre, claiming the lives of six individuals.

“The murders were committed in two houses within 200 meters of each other. In the first house, two men (father and son) were killed, and in the second one, three men and a woman were brutally murdered. Both houses were set on fire after the killings. The suspects were apprehended six hours later,” the report said.

Local residents revealed that Sofronov had served as a mercenary for the Wagner private military company. There is also information suggesting that he fought as part of the “Storm Z” unit, which operates under the Russian Ministry of Defense and recruits prisoners for participation in so-called “meat grinder assaults.”

This tragic incident serves as yet another example of returning Russian aggressors turning their violence on their fellow citizens.

Source: “Former Wagner prisoner kills 5 Russians in drunken rampage after return from Ukraine,” The New Voice of Ukraine, 3 August 2023

The Arlenes, “Lonely Won’t Leave Me Alone” (2002)

There was a time I thought I knew
About life and what to do
And now it’s plain I know nothing at all
I should have known better

But I took it all on blind faith
And now the bad guys have all run away

Lonely won’t leave me alone
Tried I tried but you won’t let go
It’s a pain that won’t go away
Lonely won’t leave me alone

There was a time I had pride
I had friends stood by my side
And a smile was all I had to give
Under a spell under a cloud
I fell in with the wrong crowd
And so I guess I learned my lesson well

Lonely won’t leave me alone
Tried I tried but you won’t let go
It’s a pain that won’t go away
Lonely won’t leave me alone

Chalkin’ days on the wall
Seems this night won’t end at all
For me patience leaves
Trace your smile on the glass
Try to make it all last
Till I come home again

Lonely won’t leave me alone
Tried I tried but you won’t let go
It’s a pain that won’t go away
Lonely won’t leave me alone

There was a time I thought I knew
About life and what to do

Source: SongLyrics. Thanks to Mark Rogers (Nashville Babylon) for the heads-up.

Masha Ivashintsova, Red Cavalry Street, Leningrad, Winter 1977. Shot with a Zeiss Ikoflex 6×6. Courtesy of Facebook

When your weary mind
loses its balance,
when the steps of this staircase
give way beneath your feet
like a ship’s deck,
when your nocturnal solitude
doesn’t give a hoot about humanity,

you can
reflect on eternity
and doubt the purity
of ideas, theories, modes
of art appreciation
and, interestingly, the conception
by Madonna of her son Jesus.

But it’s better to worship what’s given
with its deep graves.
Later,
many years from now,
they shall seem so dear.

Yes, better worship what’s given
with its short roads.
Later, you’ll find them
strangely
large,
wide,
dusty,
strewn with compromises.
They’ll seem like large wings.
They’ll seem like large birds.

Yes, better worship what’s given
with its wretched standards.
Later, to the nth degree,
they’ll serve as a railing
(though not a particularly clean one),
keeping your hobbling truths
in balance
on this chipped staircase.

1959

Original text. Thanks to Katya Vidre for the suggestion. Translated by the Russian Reader

Tag: loneliness

Middle of the Morning